Mommy Confessions
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Princess bubble baths.
I’ve started putting classical music on while I give Lilah baths :). I think she really enjoys it and she talks more (in her own adorable baby way). I always read that classical music is so good for babies. It helps with brain functions and also understanding math? Idk whatever works.. Nothing but the best for my little angel.
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JULY 4th 2011 THE BIG DAY!!! BIRTHDAY!!
I still remember the day clearly. Woke up around 8 am feeling a bit queasy so i ate a bowl of cereal that didnt stay down, decided to go back to sleep and than woke up around 10:50am because my mom and her boyfriend were about to make a really big breakfast which i was excited for.. Layed on my bed and turned on Kings Of Leon radio on pandora.. Almost instantly i heard and felt a pop. I remember thinking “I should get off my bed.” the second i got up liquid started trickling down my legs. I told my mom my water broke and at first she thought i was joking and than she started nervously pacing back and forth. I was also nervous SO nervous so i went into the bathroom and prayed. It really did help. Called the doctors office, took a shower while I waited (no one wants to be stuck in a room with a funkadelic momma all day) and than came downstairs and recorded the first video you see. I was SO HUNGRY and wanted to eat but didnt know if i was allowed to and plus i didnt want to end up like pooping infront of every one which i read happens haha so i ended up eating two peanuts (which came up right before Lilah was born a few hours later) and drank alot of water until i was admitted into the delivery room and they made me stop.The nurse in the room you go to before actually being admitted attached the machinery to me to check on contractions and babies heart beat (which i kept nervously listening to) and I was laying there for awhile until she came back and gave me a vaginal examine and realized I was 6 centimeters dilated. I could hear her telling the male nurse to look because she could see the top of the head. So from there I was admitted and moved into the labor and delivery room. There was another woman there that was having a very long and dragged out labor and was turned away a few hours before and had to go home and be in pain so seeing me just go right in mustve been like “wth?”.
Labor and Delivery
My mom was allowed to come in now that I was in the delivery room and I was allowed to pick my two.. So she didnt see me in the room before and thought i was fine and not having contractions so she convinced me to not get an epidural yet which i knew all along i wanted. She did a natural birth by the time she wanted one she was to far along so she figured if she could i could too.. LOL screw that.. props to the mothers that do it that way but if i can have no pain .. you know damn well im picking no pain. So by the time the man came in to do the ultrasound I was having more contractions (which felt like period cramps to me because i get TERRIBLE cramps so when every would ask how often i had a contraction i truly didnt know.) You can kind of see me squirming around a bit especially with him prodding at my belly like that and shifting it around it would make my cramps/contractions feel a bit worse.. We weren’t allowed to record once we were in the delivery room and thats why the camera is in one position. He was in there for soooo long so i had to chop the video up a bit. The t.v channels were soo strange and since i was in the state that i was in one minute id want to find something and the next minute id be like “i dont care” lol. At one point Lilahs father (Eli) asks if we think Lilah will like Spongebob and me and my mom both say “i hope not.” which i thought was funny.
After this ultrasound guy left i knew i wanted an epidural and had to wait a while till the anesthesiologist came. I was not a happy camper. But than he came in to give me the epidural which is NOT pleasant by the way. But totally worth the discomfort ten minutes later. I had to sit slumped on the edge of the bed and straight up so he can do it which was sooo hard to do through contractions. I felt the needle kind of like touching my spine ugh the thought makes me cringe. He had to try like twice cause he said my spine was crooked like an S and asked if i had scoliosis which i dont not that i know of but the nurse said it could be from purses. After all of that was over though i was a happy camper haha. And than my doctor came checked me and I was 10 centimeters!! Luckily i did the epidural when i did because they wouldnt have let me if they knew i was basically there!
Push time!
Two nurses came in and started prepping me and telling me exactly what to do but i was so overwhelmed/nervous/excited that i basically didnt hear much.. and the birthing classes also went out the window. At first i was doing it wrong because i was holding my breath and than 10-15 minutes later Lilah was born!!! It was soooo quick. And since i had that new epidural i felt no pain just pressure.. I didnt even feel when she gave me an episiotimy or when she stitched that back up.
After birth
Flo from the bad girls club just had a baby as well and was there and spoke to my mother haha so funny cause thats the only season i watched with her.I was finally allowed to eat!!!!! Had mcdonalds yummm. Alot of people came to visit right away. Lilahs temperature was low so they couldnt put clothes on her or wash her until it went up on its own.. When they rolled me passed the window and i saw her little naked self crying thats when i felt the connection. I wanted to hold her and make her warm and feed her!
Later on I finally got to hold and feed my baby girl <3 It was unreal and you can see the emotions. You also see boobage.. Lol.. My nipples were soooooo big while pregnant and breast feeding, luckily they have gone back down to attractive proportions :)
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June 26th 2011
Preparing for Lilahs arrival!! I actually still have the shopping list from this day! Im going to put it in a memory box.. Im crazy like that. :) The day consisted of buying some last minute things i needed for Lilah and also things i needed for the bag i was going to bring to the hospital. I show the mobile that I chose for Lilahs room.. It is crazy to look back at her nearly empty room and think of how fast time has flown by! My baby girl is standing now! And her room isnt nearly as neat as it is in the video.. I actually have to clean up today.So crazy how fast time flies.
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I did something really dumb today..
And it just keeps bothering me especially after talking to my mom about it..
Today I had a doctors check up appointment and i was going to walk but than it started thunder storming so i called a cab service around the block. This guy got here in less than 5 minutes and i had to put Lilahs jacket on and also put her in the carseat. After i buckle her seat in and everything i have to go back in to get my jacket, the diaper bag and her stroller… Youd think that hed you know come out and help me put the stroller in the trunk seeing that I had all of that on my hands…? Nope. Than I get in the car and hes like “did you forget anything?” sarcastically as if to say “its about fucking time”. So I realize i think i forgot my insurance card so i say yeah actually i think i did forget something …He didnt even drive one second away and he goes “Are you kidding?” and im like “no.” .. So he goes well im going to pull over right here because going back around the corner is out of the question. It is literally like 10 feet away from my house so Im thinking like should i run there quickly even though im not comfortable leaving Lilah here? I decided to run even though i was uncomfortable with it. And he was still in the same spot.. But the what if thought keeps popping in my head.. What if he wasnt there any more.. What if he just drove off with my baby girl? My mom reprimanded me which made me feel even worse.. She told me to never do it again.. Which trust me.. I WONT. The what if thought keeps popping in my head over and over.. It wouldve totally been my fault.. Ugh what a terrible thought… Never taking my eyes off of her again… Screw convenience. Screw ass hole cab drivers (he did not get a tip btw.. screw that as well lol).
This really puts everything in perspective for me though.. It was a lesson learned.. There are always horror stories on the news about kids going missing and if i were someone watching the news id be the one saying why the hell did she leave her baby in the car any way? UGH. So glad that my baby girl is safe and sound in her bed <3
Funny thing is that past Krystal probably realized how forgetful future Krystal would be when shes rushing to the doctors office so past Krystal put the insurance info under the stroller.. It was there the whole time! Silly me.
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January 27th 2011
At a lot of points this week I felt like I was going to snap.. Being a mom is hard I have said this before and I will say it again. Especially in the situation I am in. I really cant rely on any one else but my mom (and she works all week) to watch Lilah for a few minutes to have some time to myself for so many crazy reasons. It takes a toll on me sometimes. I barely have any human interaction except for the people in my house.
I am sick.. Its like an annoying sinus infection, the really sucky ones that usually affect one side more. Tuesday Lilah got her 6 month vaccinations and was feeling under the weather for two days. She was very clingy which is not like her.. And I was very impatient because not only was i sick i was tired. At one point she would not go in her crib but i knew she was tired.. I thought she was just being fussy and wanted to be held. I kind of raised my voice at her to go to sleep and now i feel terrible.. I always do. Finally that night I gave her some Acetametophin and she went to sleep for more than two hours.. Thats what she needed .. She woke up back to her normal happy wonderful self <3 I am so blessed with this baby girl. She is amazing and perfect.
My friend came to visit me .. It really cheered me up. It usually does when some one comes to visit. Who would’ve thunk this is what my crazy party life would’ve turned into so soon ! Crazy how life works. I can never regret it though just the way some things are. I could never regret Lilah.. Sometimes when she laughs I cant help but get teary eyed… Sometimes when I am just playing with her it happens too! Or when she does something really cute that I am proud of.. I seriously am proud to be her mom.. When I am out which doesnt happen often cause its cold now.. but when I am I am sooo proud to be her mom! I just want to show her off to the world.
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Today is my first birthday as a mom! :)
I am 22 years old. I am a bit cranky because Lilah decided her way of saying happy birthday to me was to wake up really early -_-.. And i went to sleep pretty late last night. As time passes the crankiness does too! But i am excited to take a birthday nap when Lilahs ready!! I am really regretting the room i choose for her.. It is extremely bright and there is so much street activity going on so I hear trucks and cars and buses and she does not sleep as long as she did when we were sleeping in my wonderful room with her sleeper. Ah the good ol days.. I started getting a bit spoiled sometimes she would wake up as late as 11:30-12!! But that was when i was really lucky. But still her normal was around like 9-10 or later. Today she woke up at 7:30. The passed few days she tried to wake up earlier and i gave her the pacifier and she went back to sleep. I miss my room and my bed!!!
Any way, Lilah is such a wonderful gift to have on this birthday. Sometimes i look at her and im just amazed .. How did i make such a magnificent creature!?! She’s so beautiful and happy. I love it and i love her! I truly am blessed. No matter how much bad stuff i went through with and because of her father I am thankful for him because than she wouldnt be in my life :D
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My mom made the tree all pink for Lilahs first Christmas :)
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Suffering from cabin fever.
All i wanted to do today was go to the mall.. Its sad how excited i was to just go to the mall. I am home all of the time with Lilah and sometimes it really gets to me. I got dressed and than my mother told me we would go on my birthday instead which is Thursday. I need to get out of here. I guess its my fault .. I can go for walks during the day with Lilah. But now its getting colder so i think i lost my chance with that one. Truth is i dont really go out much with Lilah alone because it REALLY overwhelms me. I have not been on the bus with her once.. People barely open doors for me even though they see me struggling with a big stroller. People suck. So i know it will be a longshot to think people will help me get the stroller onto and off of the bus. I’d just be sitting there looking like a fool. I will have to learn to deal with it eventually though.
