Mommy Confessions

I feel like im making so many mistakes when it comes to the whole parenting thing :/.. Its a seriously sucky feeling. I feel like my mistakes are affecting my daughter poorly. But i guess I wont let this feeling bring me down.. Ill just use it as motivation to be better.

I’ve started putting classical music on while I give Lilah baths :). I think she really enjoys it and she talks more (in her own adorable baby way). I always read that classical music is so good for babies. It helps with brain functions and also understanding math? Idk whatever works.. Nothing but the best for my little angel.

And it just keeps bothering me especially after talking to my mom about it..

Today I had a doctors check up appointment and i was going to walk but than it started thunder storming so i called a cab service around the block. This guy got here in less than 5 minutes and i had to put Lilahs jacket on and also put her in the carseat. After i buckle her seat in and everything i have to go back in to get my jacket, the diaper bag and her stroller… Youd think that hed you know come out and help me put the stroller in the trunk seeing that I had all of that on my hands…? Nope. Than I get in the car and hes like “did you forget anything?” sarcastically as if to say “its about fucking time”. So I realize i think i forgot my insurance card so i say yeah actually i think i did forget something …He didnt even drive one second away and he goes “Are you kidding?” and im like “no.” .. So he goes well im going to pull over right here because going back around the corner is out of the question. It is literally like 10 feet away from my house so Im thinking like should i run there quickly even though im not comfortable leaving Lilah here? I decided to run even though i was uncomfortable with it. And he was still in the same spot.. But the what if thought keeps popping in my head.. What if he wasnt there any more.. What if he just drove off with my baby girl? My mom reprimanded me which made me feel even worse.. She told me to never do it again.. Which trust me.. I WONT. The what if thought keeps popping in my head over and over.. It wouldve totally been my fault.. Ugh what a terrible thought… Never taking my eyes off of her again… Screw convenience. Screw ass hole cab drivers (he did not get a tip btw.. screw that as well lol). 

This really puts everything in perspective for me though.. It was a lesson learned.. There are always horror stories on the news about kids going missing and if i were someone watching the news id be the one saying why the hell did she leave her baby in the car any way? UGH. So glad that my baby girl is safe and sound in her bed <3 

Funny thing is that past Krystal probably realized how forgetful future Krystal would be when shes rushing to the doctors office so past Krystal put the insurance info under the stroller.. It was there the whole time! Silly me.

Kind of sad. For many many reasons. Stuff is weird at home. Stuff is weird in my love life, This year so far is just weird and not in a good way. I love being a mom but I am so tired of not having a life and friends (not that i had much of those to begin with)& I am tired of not even being able to hang out with the few that I have, so tired of not having someone that wants and is interested in me and only me.. So tired of guys liking me and than getting over it because I am a mom and can barely go out. I’m lonely, I am unhappy and I hate that every one else can have their off days and when i am a bit moody its a huge problem. Am i supposed to be the happiest camper all of the time?

I don’t understand how some parents can not show love.