Mommy Confessions

That is currently going on in my life.. 

So Ill start off by saying that I chose Lilahs uncle to be the God Father when i was pregnant because he was there and i thought he was a friend.. I knew from the beginning that he wasnt the ideal pick.. Hes a pot head (which i have no problem with when its done responsibly) and has issues. But i didn’t think that would get in the way of him being good to Lilah. At one point in my pregnancy i actually saw him more than i saw her father.. He saw the sonogram pics and videos before her father even did. But I have been having my doubts recently, the day we had to go to the baptism class I specifically told him a time to be at my house so we can be there on time and he ended up being in Brooklyn (because he was smoking) on his way at the time i told him to be at my house!! So we ended up being late to the class and to make matters worse he was high -_- red eyes and all that. I was so embarrassed. So the day after i let him know how i felt about it and told him i didnt think it was right that he showed up like that, common sense like DO IT AFTER.. He responds with a “Its my body i can do whatever i want.” .. Seriously!? Any way I let that go.. But Monday he text me like “i dont have any of the papers the guy asked for” …HER BAPTISM IS ON SATURDAY!!!! What got to me is why wait this long!? I went on to ask that same question he goes “IDK”.. So than i tell him i dont think its going to be a problem but if they did ask for it now that he would be screwed..I also told him it didnt seem like he wanted this that much and that it was worrying.. So i asked him if he wanted to be her god father.. I told him i was giving him the chance to let me know. I said that it is a big deal and that my god father didnt take it seriously and wasnt around and that i didnt want that for Lilah… Guess what he doesnt answer. So i give him 24 hours… Still no answer. After that i told him nicely that he didnt have to come and that i didnt want to force  responsibility on someone that didnt really want it. I told him there were no hard feelings. Did he answer that? Yep. He went on to tell me he was getting the papers and than he says “Im not married to you slow down.” ……..SERIOUSLY!? That is when I went ballistic… The baptism is ON SATURDAY.. I dont have time to be playing guessing games and waiting on a reply that will never come.. Am I crazy for thinking that a person who wants to be my daughters god parent would answer me when i ask a question like that? I dont think so. So now im changing the god father and this may make me have to cancel Saturday :/ pretty upset. But i will get over it. OH! And also when he called me on the phone to argue with me he told me it was a new story with me every day and that he didnt have to bow down to me… He told me that i am a bitch to his brother all the time and that he always has to hear it from his brother… WTF!? Seriously… your brother decided to have TWO babies obviously his baby mommas are going to be bitchy sometimes and thats what brothers are there for. I personally think that I am not bad to him given the circumstance.. I havent heard from him in DAYS. He told me last week that he was bringing me money on monday … Of course i wouldnt hear from him all week.

I believe that there is something called the filtering process in my life. Where all the people and things that are no good for you that you should’ve cut out of your life start being filtered out. It may not be very pleasant at the moment and it may all happen at the same time.. but you are way better off for it. Because in the end of it all the unnecessary junk is out and you learn who is truly there for you in the most positive way and who isnt :D